An Exploding Snap Card
by Somerlia
Summary: Remus lacked the 'subtitely', as his Marauder brother's call it, to make Gilderoy Lockhart leave Lily Evans alone. Here's his chance to prove them wrong.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own.

**Author's Note: **This is my make-up short story for taking so long to update. I hope you enjoy, it isn't anything special, but it's supposed to be a brief spin-off of something mentioned in another story of mine.

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Alice played exploding snap with Remus and they were having a quiet conversation. Off to the side, their mutual friend, Lily, sat down reading a book. Behind them, sitting on a table, were the other three Marauders, finishing their homework as requested by Remus.

"Frank told me that since this is his last year here, he would write to me from Auror training," Alice told Remus after his question of how her relationship with Frank Longbottom was going. She narrowed her eyes, "My gran reckons we won't last." She paused and with a show of her insecurity said, "You think we are going to last, right?"

"Only people I've seen more obsessed with each other is Jily," said Remus. Alice nodded at the word Jily; it was code name they coined up for James and Lily. They could not use the names together with Lily so close by and as their talks often fell on the two, they needed a phrase to use for safety. "So in other words, yes. I do, fully and hopefully at the same time, believe you will last."

"Thanks, Remus," she said softly, the card in her hand hovering a moment. "You do know how to cheer a person up, you know?"

He smiled at her, "Just what I do."

"Oi, Remus!" called James, standing up and stretching his arms over his head. "I'm heading to get food; we are allowed to eat, aren't we? Not going to threaten to throw us off the astronomy tower, are ya?"

Sirius smirked, "If anything, we'd tag team you."

"There's three of us, how can we tag-team him?" said Peter with a frown.

Remus rolled his eyes, "Fine, go to the kitchens, but I'll be watching you," he told them closely. He need not tell them how he would do so, but Lily and Alice gave him clueless expressions. It would be against the Marauders rule to inform them without permission so he would have to leave them wondering. "No detours! You have to finish your homework; OWLs are only a few weeks away!"

"Lighten up, we still have two weeks," James called over his shoulder as he disappeared out the portrait hole.

"I don't get why you are friends with him," said Lily, shaking her long mane of red hair and standing up from her seat.

Remus snorted, "I used to wonder that often, but they are good friends. Once you get past the arrogant, toe rags part."

Alice giggled, "You have to admit, Lily, that was a rather 'creative' way to insult them."

"Oh bugger off, you!" Lily told her with a fond grin.

Remus laughed as the two bickered playfully, but stopped and glanced over to the other side of the room, where Gilderoy Lockhart was walking towards them. Or rather, towards one person.

In the past few weeks, all the Marauders had noticed that Gilderoy Lockhart, the biggest bumble headed idiot in the school, had taken a liking to their favourite red head. The Marauders would not let it slide, so they did everything to keep him away.

Or James, Sirius, and Peter did. They said Remus lacked the 'subtitley' not to get caught. Remus thought that was hilarious because the word 'subtitley' did not even exist, but the point from the note got across fairly easily.

Remus glanced around. As much as he disliked it when the other Marauders interfered with Lily's life –only because she got so ticked off about it and she was one of the only other friends he had- even he had to admit that Lockhart did not need to be with her in any way or form. He also knew Lily detested him a rather lot, especially after the argument on the Quidditch field when Gryffindor beat Ravenclaw- wait, he's a Ravenclaw, how'd he even get in? Remus didn't get to think on that longer than a second because Gilderoy was here now.

"Hello Lily," said Gilderoy, posing his shoulders as he leaned against the wall beside her. She glanced up at him, raising a hand to block out the sunlight coming through the nearest window.

"Yes, Lockhart?" She sighed, resigning herself to whatever was coming.

"You should come with me to Hogsmeade. You have to admit, we would make a good looking couple. Our babies would look dashing!" he said happily and Lily let out the sound of a "whaa?". Babies, Remus repeated inside his head. The guy was clearly delusional or an idiot -or both, both would be believable. Gilderoy went on, "I'm glad you agree!" He grabbed her and kissed her. When he pulled back, she gaped at him in disgust, to shocked to do anything before she jumped back quickly.

"Uhh..." Lily started, her hand twitching towards her wand.

"Quick, throw the card at him!" whispered Remus urgently to Alice, who was watching the whole thing with a morbid kind of fascination and disgust.

"What?" she demanded.

"It doesn't matter, throw it!"

Alice chucked the cards at him and it exploded in his face, surrounding him in smoke. From inside the bubble of gas, Gilderoy coughed and then there came a low cry.

"My hair! My hair!" he cried out, clutching locks of burnt hair. He was lead away by one of his fan girls, who tried to comfort him to no avail.

"Why did you have me do that?" said Alice to him as Lily gave her a smile of thankfulness.

"Later," said Remus. Later never happened as Alice had gotten a howler from her gran when it was found out she wasn't ending her relationship with Frank and she sent one right back.

Remus decided not to tell the other Marauders about Gilderoy making a moving on Lily and especially about him kissing her. It was only luck that no one else had seen it happen.

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_I hope you enjoyed my little story! I don't know what I'd tag this as, but there is going to be a sequel. Secrets never stay a secret at Hogwarts after all! I'll try to let you know whenever it's up, just consider this a prequel until further notice. Check back for an update, but I'll most likely add a chapter for whenever I post anything! _


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